


Twin Size Mattress

by trustxlovexhope (orphan_account)



Category: Rainbow Six Siege - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Daddy Issues, Depression, Drug Abuse, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, PTSD, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:40:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25104061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/trustxlovexhope
Summary: Rainbow has disbanded and Ela is stuck in a hole of not wanting to return to the military, but wanting to make her father proud on top of the drugs use that’s begun to eat her from the inside out
Relationships: Masaru “Echo” Enatsu/Elźbieta “Ela” Bosak, Siu “Ying” Mei Lin/Elźbieta “Ela” Bosak
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first r6 fanfic so it’s bad. Comments are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

When Ela found out about Rainbow being disbanded, it was in the mess hall in a temporary headquarters in Florida. Dr. Pandey announced that funding in the program was being cut and there was deemed "no need" for the team anymore. People were pissed. Ela specifically remembers Caveira walking directly out of the hall and not returning despite Pandey calling her name. Zofia kept her composure, but Ela heard her talking to Mom later that night and calling whoever was cutting the budget a, "świnia skurwysyn." Ela would have been lying if she said she hadn't thought the exact same thing.

She got her revenge in a different way, though, when she caught Echo in the halls at 10 that night. They were supposed to have their shit packed and out of the building by 4 the next day, but Ela figured she could do it the next day when a dart of short black hair crossed her vision outside her room.

"Echo," Ela calls almost immediately, sitting up from her bed where she'd been smoking a cigarette. She ashes it on the tray on the bedside table, then rushes to the door, turning her head around the corner to see Echo gazing back at her with staleness in his eyes.

"Yes?" He asks. Ela actually has no clue how she's going to go about this, but she needs to release some sort of energy. Something. Anything. She swallows her social anxiety and replies, "Do you want to drink with me?"

Echo peers into her room, then back at Ela, "I don't drink."

"Smoke?"

There's another moment of silence, of hesitation and thought, and then Echo finally replies, "Okay, fine."

They enter the room and Ela immediately pulls out her pack of cigarettes from the bedside drawer and a dark green lighter. She offers one up to Echo which is taken gingerly with a polite, "Thank you."

Ela sparks them both, his first, then sets down the lighter, and moves to the bed where she's joined by the other. The room is about as big as a hotel room. The walls are paper thin and she's got Blitz and Gridlock on either side of her with Mozzie across the hall. The place consists of a bathroom and a bedroom. The bedroom contains a queen-size bed with silky, white bedsheets and a wooden bedside table as well as a window, wide open to air out the smoke. 

Two puffs in and Ela turns to Echo, a small sliver of anxiety melting from her to the smoke. "Where are you planning on staying after this?"

"There's a temporary housing center not too far from here that Pandey's provided for us to get back up on our feet. I don't know where I'm going from here, so I'll be staying there for a few weeks." Echo answers. He takes a hesitant drag from the cigarette, his eyes darting up and down Ela's figure, "What about you?"

"I don't know yet," She replies, eyes glazed over on the floor, "I might end up moving there, too. Not in the mood to move home quite yet. I have the money for freedom, so I will use my money for freedom. I need time to rethink what I'm doing with my life if Rainbow is gone."

"Who doesn't?" Echo chuckles. It's the first laugh Ela thinks she's ever heard from him. 

Ela gives him a long look, prolonged eye contact, then she takes another hit and releases, coughing. Ela finally gives Echo another look and a suggestive smirk, shooting a glance at the bed then back to him. Echo follows her glance, confusion crossing his face, then his eyebrows raise in realization as to why Ela really brought him in.

Echo's eyes flicker to her chest, then to her face. Ela can't read him well enough to figure out if he's interested, but when she puts her hand on his knee and takes a long puff, he pushes into her touch instead of away. Ela ashes her cigarette without a second thought, and pushes him back into the bed, straddling him. It's the last day that she'll see the rest of her team, what's wrong with fucking up her relationships with them?

Echo inhales sharply, handing over the butt of his cigarette. Ela throws it lazily into the tray as she grinds her hips down on Echo's. He's quick to flip them over, though, forcing Ela into the bed to strip her of her clothes. Ela groans as he begins manhandling her, pulling her shirt over her head and unclasping her bra.

"This okay?" He asks, taking one of her breasts in his hand, thumb over the nipple.

"Just fuck me." Ela snarls. That's all Echo needs because the next thing Ela knows, she's being flipped onto her stomach and forced into the bed. Echo tugs down her pants in two swift moves and by the time Ela's turning her head to look, he's got his cock out, swollen.

"Condom?"

"Don't need it," Ela replies, pushing back against him. She's only met by a stronger force, holding her into the bed while he prods against her, beginning to push his way in. Ela's wet enough that there's not much of a problem, it had been at least a few weeks for her, she's needed this. Echo presses his way in, one hand on Ela's head forcing her into the bed, and the other on her hip, holding his balance.

Ela curses out a loud and muffled, "Fuck," as he bottoms out, reaching for the bedsheets, grasping for any sort of release or gain. Anything to make this easier to bear. He's a stretch and she almost has to ask him to stop, but as she's allowed air from the bed, she makes it. Echo's hand is on her shoulder, now, and he's starting up a decent pace, holding her flush against his own warm flesh.

Ela's moans and whines are met with Echo forcing himself in faster and deeper. She falls back into the bed, biting at the sheets desperately so people down the hall won't be able to hear her, but it's hard when Echo is forcing himself against her cervix and it fucking /hurts/. 

He's slamming himself into Ela both hands on the hipbones that pull her back onto him. Her ass bounces on him with each stroke until his pace begins to crack, forcing her onto him even faster and his nails digging welts into her. She feels him fill her, warm and sticky, as she in return, falls to the bed melting. Her legs are shaking, her groan caught deep in her throat as Echo slows to a stop, staying there for a moment longer. 

Ela whines as he pulls out, slapping her ass swiftly. 

"That okay?" Echo asks, tugging up his jeans, "You come?"

Ela takes a deep inhale, nodding against the bed before forcing herself up, "Yeah, thanks."

Echo looks to the clock on the wall, immediately unsure whether to stay or leave. Ela's back in bed, though, lighting a cigarette now. Echo lowers his eyes and turns toward the door, but Ela says, "Take it."

Echo turns to see her passing it over and he graciously takes it, returning to his seat beside Ela who is simply topless. Echo takes a long drag of the cigarette, his lungs filling and emptying. The smoke travels up from the bed to the window and out toward the night sky, stars blinking in the distance.

There's an awkward silence between them for a long moment, Ela cringes as they pass the cigarette back and forth. She isn't sure where to go from here. She's starting to consider that the housing center that was stated earlier might come in handy. She isn't returning to the family for a little while and she hadn't had anyone outside of rainbow that would even slightly consider her a friend. She's been independent for so long, just relying on one night stands and cigarettes to get through her daddy issues and stress from work. 

Ela takes a prolonged puff and puts the end of it out before looking to Echo, the tension at its peak. She has no clue what to say, but that's when Echo licks his lips before saying, "I'm gonna head out, then."

"Right," Ela replies, staring at the floor. She has no clue what to say, but to her relief, the door shuts behind Echo, and she doesn't have to figure it out. Ela lays back in the bed almost immediately, staring at the ashtray with the last 3 cigarettes resting in the bottom. She sighs out in a release of tension. She's in pain and she's sure everyone down the row heard them. 

Her vice is over, and she's back to feeling sober again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of rape in this one

“Ela Bosak?” The receptionist asks. Ela rises to her feet shuffling to the front desk, marble and stiff.

  


“You’ll get room 2F, second floor.” She drops a keycard in Ela’s hand before waving on Rook. She hoists her bags on her back as she follows the stairs to the second floor. She follows her feet to the room and slides her card. This room is smaller than the one at the headquarters. It’s cramped, the bed has barely any room on the sides of it.

  


Ela grimaces at the sight but drops her bag anyway. It’ll do until she can figure herself out. Zofia’s already taken the plane trip back to Poland. Ela has no intention of returning anytime soon. She figures she’ll find a place in Florida. She has some money for it.

  


On the other hand, she wonders if she could get back into her father’s unit. She could just return to what she was before Rainbow even started. It wouldn’t be hard. She doesn’t want to, but it makes money and it’s stable.

  


Ela takes a moment to ponder this, juggling it with the fact she wants to explore more than just the military. She has no clue what she wants to do with her life and it bothers her. She’s lost. Again. This time, she has no real clue as to where she wants to go. The only thing that’s been on her mind is sex, but there’s hardly a time when it’s not. She doesn’t admit to having any addictions, but she has admitted to being a little more connected to sex than she’d like. It gives her comfort. Makes her feel loved.

  


Ela’s unpacking her clothes into the dresser, thinking on what the hell she does now when a door shuts across from her own and she watches Ying head toward the elevators. Ela licks her dry lips, watching Ying walk away, but she immediately shuts the door. She needs to calm the fuck down.

  


Ela lays back in bed but not before finishing her unpacking. Her mind wandering through the walls of these rooms to Ying. She’s talked to her maybe twice before outside of their missions. She knows she’s bright and likes working with others but that’s about it. Looking at her here, though, long black locks laid down to cascade her ears, neck, and shoulders. Ela can’t help but feel a soft nudge of lust pull her across the hall.

  


But she’s only here for a couple of weeks at most. She needs to get back up on her feet, she knows that for sure. She shuts off the lights above her bed and stares out her window at the city outside. It’s only 6 in the evening, but the sun is already setting deep into the horizon and exhaustion washes over Ela’s body. She rests her head in her pillow and slowly drifts to sleep.

  


When Ela wakes, it’s to a knocking on her door, sharp and firm. She groans as the moonlight streams through her window and her eyes stop at her door.

  


“Who is it?”

  


“It’s Masaru.” Echo. “Come with me, I’m taking a smoke.”

  


“So?”

  


“So come out.”

  


Ela winces as she sits up in bed, stretching her back and cracking it in the process before opening the door. To her surprise, Echo, Dokkaebi, and Fuze are all standing there. Ela raises her eyebrows at Echo, unsure of what’s happening.

  


“We’re smoking, you wanna come?” Echo asks, “It’s just us and Hibana. Downstairs.”

  


Ela blinks away the last of her sleep and despite her wanting to return to her slumber, she hasn’t gotten an invite out like this in a long while and there is no way she could let herself turn it down.

  


“Yeah, sure,” Ela slides on her shoes and grabs her cigarettes from the bedside table as well as that same lighter, “Any reason why you’re inviting me out to smoke?”

  


“Figured we were at least acquaintances and hanging out with ex-coworkers isn’t always a bad thing.” Echo replies, “That, and it’s a celebration of sorts. For obvious reasons.”

  


Ela nods, spacing out as they reach the elevators and press the button to descend. Dokkaebi stands to the side, glancing across the hall at Fuze then to Ela, who she gives a soft nod of respect. Ela returns it with a weak smile of acknowledgment before they crowd into the elevator. Ela’s sinking uncomfortably close to Echo, but she figures it’s better than Fuze (who she’s had an irrational fear of since she joined and she has no clue why). 

  


The elevator comes to a slow stop and the doors slide open with a clear  ding . They’re at the base floor of the building with the front desk where Ela retrieved her keys. 

  


Echo leads them down the hall, away from the receptionist, to the very end of the hall. He opens a door on the left with his keycard and welcomes everyone in. The room is quite a bit bigger than Ela’s, but it’s still slightly cramped with the number of people in it.

  


Hibana sits on the far bed, a blunt in hand and a hoodie covering most of her hair. Dokkaebi takes a seat next to her, immediately striking up a conversation about some sort of mechanical stuff that Ela has no experience with. Fuze stands against a wall between the beds and Echo sits on the second bed. Ela joins Echo, resting herself on the mattress.

  


Hibana gives Ela a soft glance as she rests the tip of the blunt in her mouth and lights it. Ela doesn’t smoke weed, she’s never been offered it before, so she never used it. She’s a little anxious, she didn’t even know that anyone in the room smoked, either, but she guesses it was the drug tests stopping them. They were annoying as hell and happened at least once every couple of weeks.

  


“You alright?” Echo asks from her right. Ela’s eyes dart to him, to his hair, messy and disorganized, and the jacket sitting comfortably over his figure. She realizes her leg was bouncing and immediately stops.

  


“Yeah,” Ela replies. She doesn’t elaborate.

  


“Have you smoked before? Like this?” Echo asks. The blunt passes from Dokkaebi to Echo and the harsh smell of the weed fills the room. It makes Ela dizzy and the room feel stuffed, like a layer of blankets in 80-degree weather.

  


“No, not weed,” Ela says. She watches as Echo takes two long strokes from the sweet and holds it out for Ela. She takes it gently and scans the room, slightly anxious to be the center of attention, but nobody is watching.

  


“Take a hit, we have a ton.” Echo edges, “It’s a celebration.”

  


Ela presses the blunt to her lips and inhales. Immediately, the harsh taste fills her mouth, invades her lungs, and fills her with tension. As she exhales, coughing, it releases. She looks to Echo who’s now talking with Dokkaebi about Melusi’s sonic defense that she’d used the last time they worked together. Ela doesn’t know much about it, she’s only heard snippets from their years working together, and Melusi is somewhat new to the team. Or was.

She takes her second drag, this time her head becoming shrouded in emptiness as she passes it on to Fuze who has now pulled out a flask and is taking turns between smoking and drinking.

  


“How long?” Ela asks.

  


“Until what?” Hibana replies. Ela blinks up at her.

  


“How long until it hits?” 

  


“30 minutes. Max.” Fuze replies, taking another swig and passing the blunt.

  


“Don’t hit it again, either,” Dokkaebi says, “Unless you want to have a bad trip.”

  


Ela nods, watching her hands in her lap. The room is beginning to feel more and more stuffy, but so far nothing has changed. She hears lots of talk about technology, mechanics, and electronics. Everything from Echo’s drone and how it works and the software and hardware for it to the fact that all Bandit’s been using a car battery for years and that’s all he’s needed to get through their missions. Echo talks about how he’s wanted to get him something better that would be faster, but since the team disbanded, there’s not much use anymore.

  


“Anyways, Bandit was an asshole to me last time I saw him. I think he was high off his ass, though.” Echo says.

  


“When isn’t he?” Hibana jokes. Echo offers the blunt to Ela who, after a moment of hesitation, takes it and hits it again.

  


“Bandit is… a different breed.” Fuze sighs, “He doesn’t want to admit he has a problem, but he has a big problem.”

  


“What’s the problem with Bandit?” Ela asks. She’d only talked to him maybe a dozen times through the time they worked together and each time it was only for work. Nothing else. She didn’t even know Bandit got high like that.

  


A blanket of tension rests over the room, the mood shifts and Ela quickly feels anxiety seep under her skin in a wave of needles. She passes the blunt, desperately trying to get any attention off of her, but that’s when Dokkaebi inhales deeply and says, “Rainbow is over, so there isn’t much harm in letting it get out. I mean…” She glances at Echo.

  


“He’s a cokehead,” Fuze says bluntly.

  


Ela nods, staring back at her hands. The room has gone too stone-cold sober for her liking, but that’s when she looks down at her hands and they’re not her own. Her eyes rise back up to Echo and Hibana whose faces look fuzzy and hard to comprehend. It’s not scary, but it is intense enough that she has to take a deep breath and grip her legs.

  


“You alright?” Fuze asks,

  


“Yeah uh…” Ela trails off, unsure of where the thought is going or if there even is an end to it. The fabric of reality is unraveling and the world is warped. Ela isn’t sure what’s going on and the jeans wrapped around her legs feel like snakes without teeth, consuming her limbs.

  


“Ela?” Her glance darts up to meet Echo’s who’s got a small smirk on his face. She doesn’t even realize the blunt is being passed back to her, but it’s longer than it was before. It takes a moment to click that this is a new blunt and that it’s already her turn in rotation again. Didn’t she just pass it?

  


She takes another puff, figures that if her tolerance is low, she might as well get as fucked up as possible. Hibana raises her eyebrows and shakes her head in disbelief as Ela takes three inhales this time and passes it to Fuze. 

  


There’s a chatter coming from somewhere in her right ear, but it takes at least a full minute to realize it’s coming from Dokkaebi and Hibana now about Iana’s holographic equipment. 

  


“You alright?” Echo asks, resting a hand on Ela’s shoulder. It feels like stone.

  


“Mmm,” Ela replies, unsure of how to answer because it’s such a weirdly composed question. She wants to get back to bed, honestly. It seems like the nicest place and being somewhere with people she doesn’t talk to often is starting to throw her off, “I wanna go to bed.”

  


“Right,” Echo stands, “You need help getting back to your room?”

  


Ela nods, staring up at him. It sounds like such a nice idea but Dokkaebi quickly cuts in.

  


“I can bring her up.” She says, rising to her feet.

  


“Are you sure? Because-”

  


“It’s fine, Echo. Let me handle it.” 

  


Dokkaebi takes Ela’s arm as she struggles to stand on her own. The whole world looks so distorted, the floor is miles away, and she keeps drifting to the left. She’s pulled out of the room before she can argue or ask for Echo or anything.

  


“Why can’t Echo…” She trails off as they walk slowly down the hall, “Echo…”

  


Dokkaebi stays silent at first, Ela isn’t sure if it’s because she doesn’t know what she’s is asking or because she just doesn’t want to answer. It comes clear when they get to the elevators and Dokkaebi says to Ela, “Echo gets girls high enough to the point where they can’t say no and then he fucks them. I’m not letting that happen tonight.”

  


Ela blinks back shrouded emotions of confusion and then sprinkles of betrayal. Echo seemed okay. 

  


“Oh…” Ela says as Dokkaebi leads them inside the elevator. She lowers her eyes to her feet, “It wouldn’t bother me if he…”

  


“Still, it’s a bad way to ride your trip.” Dokkaebi smiles gently. “You should enjoy it while you can. The first trip is always the most intense. Everything after that is just chasing that feeling.”

  


Ela understands. It feels great, she feels a warmth spreading from her chest out to her limbs. The world is different and everything seems bigger than it is. She doesn’t know how sex would feel like this and she sure as hell wants to find out eventually, but she does appreciate Dokkaebi’s concern for her wellbeing. 

  


They stand in silence for a good couple minutes before the elevator stops at Ela’s floor and they leave. Ela’s got one arm around Dokkaebi, barely able to walk, but she manages despite almost falling twice.

  


“Here?” Dokkaebi asks, stopping in front of Ela’s door. Ela isn’t sure, but she tries the door anyways.

  


“Keycard. Do you have it?” Dokkaebi asks. Ela blinks away her exhaustion and manages to retrieve the card from her back pocket. Dokkaebi slides it for her and the door does manage to open, thankfully.

  


“Thank you,” Ela says softly, gripping at her pants. The fabric makes her feel sick.

  


“Do you need anything?” 

  


“No.”

  


“Alright.” Dokkaebi looks around for a moment before smiling gently, “Take care. If you need anything, I’ll be downstairs.”

  


Ela nods, “Okay.”

  


Dokkaebi gives her one last reassuring look before she shuts the door and the ringing in Ela’s ears explode.


	3. Chapter 3

Ela wakes up the next morning stone-cold sober and dehydrated as all hell. The first thing she does is run to the bathroom and drink as many cups of water as her body will let her, bloating her stomach out until she finally feels hydrated enough to continue with her day.

She leaves the room about five minutes later, hungry as all hell. The housing facility that everyone stays at has a dining hall on the bottom floor. She only has to pay $100 a day for food and housing and she knows that her mom will cover it. Even if she doesn’t want to.

With that, Ela turns from her bed to open the door, but as soon as the hall is revealed, she sees Ying swiping her keycard in her door. Ela gazes at her for a moment, the tight bun holding her hair in place, the jacket covering her medium frame, and drooping over her thighs.

“Hi,” Ela says without a second thought. Almost immediately, she regrets it, unsure of what the hell she’s starting a conversation for. She knows Ying, they used to hang out quite a bit, but over the last few months, they stopped talking and Ela isn’t sure what happened between them. She always figured it was her fault or because she made one too many jokes about them fucking, but she ended up just dealing with it and leaving it be. If Ying didn’t want to talk to her, she didn’t have to.

They used to along well, though, and Ela talking to her like this is huge. They haven’t talked in months. They didn’t have to at work so this is the first time in a long time.

Ying turns to Ela and after a moment of processing what’s going on, she smiles softly and replies with a short, “Hey,” back. Ela’s eyes dart from her door to the floor back to Ying.

“How are you doing?” Ela asks, “With the whole… rainbow disbanding.”

“It’s alright.” Ying scratches the back of her neck, “You?”

Ela’s slightly frustrated with how dry Ying’s acting, but she guesses she just doesn’t want to be in the conversation and replies just as dry, “Same here. No clue where to go.”

“I get that.” Ying replies, pushing her door open slightly more. There’s a long, awkward silence between them. It feels like an eternity. Ela doesn’t know how she feels about Ying anymore, she just wishes that things were at least slightly different. She acknowledges she may have made some inappropriate comments at work, but Ying never seemed to translate it badly and it was all just lighthearted. The last thing Ela wanted was to make her uncomfortable.

Before she can say anything else, though, Ying’s door is shutting and Ela is stuck outside staring at it. The silence was too much to bear. Ela wasn’t worth the time.

She sighs, double checks that she has her keycard on her, and without further ado, she pulls herself away from Ying’s door down the hall to the elevators.

It’s exactly 6:58 pm that night and Ela’s spent the whole day looking into different squadrons and organizations who either invited her to join or she could easily apply for. She’s been scrolling for hours, either hating the idea of going through specialized training for whatever they want her for or just hating the idea of being back in another team like this.

She realizes, as she’s searching, that no matter how hard she tries to fit herself back into this, she can’t. She’s being pulled into another dip, another break and she can’t control how she feels about it. The last time she left anything militarized, it was to work on her art. Part of her wants to return to that. She’s done a lot of work. She was on a great team, she got to join the very group that her father served in and paid her respects for him as well as she could. She tried, hard, and no matter what she does deep down she feels as though nothing can live up to Zof.

These issues aren’t something she’s focused on. Ela tries her best to just ignore it and focus on anything, genuinely  anything , else. She doesn’t want to be stuck back in this cycle and have to get back with her therapist and go back on her 200-fucking-milligram dose of Zoloft and feel numb to everything and anything. That’s a bad place to be. That’s the worst place she’d ever been in her entire life, right after her dad died and she’d already been struggling with favoritism. She can’t go back to that. It stresses her the fuck out.

Anyways, joining another force like Rainbow, despite how bad she wants to live up to her father, isn’t what she needs. She knows that if she keeps pulling herself back into the military over and over again, she’ll just be stuck, exhausted. It’s draining work and she knows deep down no matter how much blood, sweat, and tears she puts in it will never be enough. She will never get those words from him. “I’m so proud of you.”

It’s not like he didn’t say it, but when she realized she wasn’t the favored one between her and her sister, it wrecked her and all those compliments went to shit. There was no more belief in her father’s words. She’d been put into a place that there’s no recovering from. Even if he were here today, she doubts that anything he’d say would ever make up for that.

She stares at the clock on her laptop, her mood dropped from thinking on it. It’s 6:58 and she wants to smoke. So bad. She wonders if Echo or Dokkaebi would mind her visiting. She’s more than happy to pay for whatever she needs to, she has cash.

It’s that thought, that need to get away from her father that drags her out of bed that night and through the halls of the housing center. She hadn’t seen Ying since that morning and didn’t want to. Things seemed way too awkward for Ela’s comfort. She figures Ying’s just one of those people that will go down as a lost friendship. That’s it.

Ela hits the button for the elevator and stands there for a moment. She’s anxious about seeing Echo, but she figures if she offers up sex, he won’t argue. Maybe that’s just their relationship at this point. Sex and drugs and unspoken issues that will eventually break them off and force their lives so far apart that nothing will pull them together again. Or maybe Ela’s just feeling a special kind of melancholy tonight.

When the elevator stops, Fuze is standing there, tall and menacing. He looks much scarier than he is.

“Hey.” Ela nods, “Where are you headed?”

Fuze replies, “I’m going to Bandit’s to…”

He gestures smoking, Ela realizes this is the opportunity she was looking for. Her luck’s struck.

“Shit, can I join you? I have money, I can chip in if you need.” Ela asks, digging through her pockets for the $30 she brought. Fuze chuckles deeply as the elevator dings at the floor between hers and the bottom.

“I can ask him, don’t be upset if he says no, though. Generally, he’s very closed off about it. I’ll see if I can charm him.” Fuze jokes.

“Thank you, it means a lot,” Ela says, trying to keep up with the taller man. He stops about 3 doors down and knocks harshly.

“Dominic?” Fuze announces, “It’s me. And Ela.”

There’s silence for a long moment. Long enough that Ela doubts Bandit will even show up, but that’s when the door unlocks with a click and Bandit peers out. He looks Ela up and down before turning to Fuze.

“Is it alright if she joins us?” Fuze asks gently, “She’s not here for trouble, she’s simply looking to smoke and she has money.”

Bandit looks back to Ela for a moment, examining her, looking her up and down before he nods, “Not a problem.”

Ela knows Fuze much better than she knows Bandit. She’s heard that they’re very similar from several people, but she isn’t sure why or how. Even Fuze has told her in the past that they’re similar. Ela’s talked to Bandit maybe half a dozen times outside of work, and it was simply just to be friendly.

“What do you smoke, Bosak?” Bandit asks, returning to his singular bed, “Or eat?”

Ela blinks, unsure of what he means by the second half, “Just… just weed and cigarettes.”

Bandit nods, pulling a tray of flower from behind him onto his lap. He’s rolling a massive blunt, four sweet wrappers bound with nothing but spit. It’s two sweets thick and two sweets long and Ela has no clue at all how it’s holding its form. Bandit is much more experienced than she thinks she ever will be.

“Thank you for letting me smoking with you, Bandit,” Ela says, cautious about what she says. He seems on edge. Despite this, when he raises his head and looks Ela in the eye, he simply smiles. It’s slightly forced, but not so much so that Ela’s uncomfortable.

“Please, call me Dominic. And no worries, Elżbieta. A friend of Fuze is a friend of mine. You just have to watch out for those who will rat, you understand?” Dominic says, still very focused on rolling the smoke.

Nobody calls Ela Elżbieta besides her own family, and it’s still almost always Ela because it’s been her nickname for so long. The last person who called her Elżbieta was her father. She doesn’t know how to feel about that. There’s a sense of discomfort, a pang of unsettlement, but on the other hand, she almost welcomes it. It feels good to return to that identity. Hearing it off of Dominic’s lips feels different.

“I get it,” Ela replies, watching as Fuze locks the door behind himself. He stands against the wall again, just like last time while Ela takes a seat in a chair by a desk beside the door.

“I’ve lost my lighter,” Dominic says as he moves the tray off his lap, searching the bed and his pockets. Fuze provides him with a lighter from his front pocket, “No worries, I always bring backup.”

“Thanks.” He brings the blunt to his lips and sparks the lighter until it works, a steady flicker of light dancing on the metal until embers form from the weed. Ela watches in fascination as the blunt lights and after two long, long strokes, Dominic passes it on to Fuze.

“How much do you want to hit that?” Dominic asks Ela, gesturing to the blunt that’s now hanging from Fuze’s lips.

“As much as you’ll let me,” Ela replies, unsure of where the conversation is going.

“Do you have money on you?”

“Of course,” Ela pulls out her cash, concealing the numbers until Dominic asks for an amount, “How much do you need?”

“Ten, if it’s not too much, weed costs more than I can afford most of the time.” Dominic gives a small smile, taking the ten from Ela, “But, I come through stronger than I was before. Entschuldige, I’ll be back.”

Dominic rises to his feet and exits for the bathroom, shutting the door and turning on the fan. Ela raises her eyebrows at Fuze who simply murmurs, “He’s trying to hide it from you. Don’t mention it. At all.”

Ela understands, nods. She’s always been good at keeping information to herself. She can do that. The blunt is passed to her and she immediately takes three good puffs off of it, determined to get as high as she did the night before.

“You’re really going to town on that aren’t you, Elżbieta?”

“Don’t call me that,” Ela immediately snaps. It feels wrong coming from Fuze. Something about it is just wrong. She doesn’t know how to describe it.

Fuze raises his eyebrows but doesn’t question it as he pulls the blunt back from Ela and takes another long drag. The toilet flushes and the door opens a moment later. Dominic’s eyes are dilated to all hell, Ela stays mute.

“Sorry for the wait,” Dominic says, pulling the blunt from Fuze. He turns to Ela, “Did you get a hit, Elżbieta?”

Ela nods. Fuze gives her a look that’s hard to describe but she knows exactly what it’s for. Elżbieta. Ela still stays silent.

They stay there for a while, smoke through the blunt, and then one smaller one. By the time they’re done, Ela’s laying on the floor because “it feels better this way. It’s trippy.” Fuze has been taking swigs from that same flask, sharing some with Dominic. He didn’t offer any of Ela but she doesn’t blame him, things are already tense with the whole Elżbieta thing.

But when the clock hits 8 on the wall, Fuze blinks, red in his eyes, and announces to Ela and Dominic, “I think I’m going to go to bed. I will see you tomorrow, moy brat.”

“Tomorrow, Shuhrat,” Dominic says, nodding Fuze away. Ela tries to stand to leave, figuring her welcome has ended, but when she makes it to her knees, she can barely get up to her feet. Fuze lets out a harsh chortle at her struggle.

“You can stay a little longer if you’d like, Elżbieta.” The man on the bed says. Ela immediately falls back to the floor with a soft, “Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

Ela hears the door shut and after a long moment of silence, Dominic says to Ela, “I used to work very closely with your sister, you know?”

“Did you?” Ela replies, her head fuzzy with the view of the popcorn ceiling above her.

“Yes, she was very… Quiet. She never let me have any sort of conversation with her. She was so unbelievably closed off I could barely get a peep out of her.” He says, a fond smile on his thin lips. He’s smoking a cigarette now, his blond hair cascading in his face.

“She’s like that,” Ela says, giggling slightly, “They say we’re similar, but we’re really not.”

“Then tell me about yourself,” Dominic says, almost challenging in a way. The smile drops off of Ela’s face and suddenly she doesn’t want anything to do with him. She doesn’t just tell people about herself. She doesn’t like to be analyzed. At all.

“No.” She says, still staring up at the ceiling a million miles above her.

“Then you are no different than her.” Dominic replies, “And you’ve lied to me.”

Ela tilts her head up to look at him, upside down. He’s sitting on the bed, smoking a cigarette, his legs set firmly to the ground in a man-spread. Ela blinks a couple of times, processing what she’s looking at before she sighs and looks up at the ceiling.

“Fine, what do you want to know?”

“Anything. What are you struggling with? Where are you going from here? Do you have a plan yet? What’s your family like? There are so many possibilities.” Dominic gazes back at Ela, their eyes meet but it’s distorted and Ela isn’t sure who’s looking back for a moment.

“What would you like to know first?” Ela asks.

“Let’s start with…” Dominic trails off, humming, “Where are you going after this? Where is the world taking the great Elżbieta?”

“Away,” Ela replies, “Doesn’t matter where just… away. Military life isn’t for me. I spent more time than I’d like to admit looking through organizations to join now that Rainbow’s over but… nothing. It isn’t for me anymore. I’m not sure where I’m going, but it’s definitely not home and it’s definitely not back to the military.”

“And why is that?” Dominic asks, passing over the cigarette, “I thought you wanted to live up to Jan.”

Ela cringes slightly at the thought of her dad, “I did. But, I can’t do it anymore.” She leaves it at that, not wanting to reveal much more. She remembers the years of training she put herself through to take her father’s place at GROM. How she’d train until her muscles felt like they’d tear and she’d be crying, breaking down over how no matter how good she did, it wasn’t enough. It never would be enough.

“Why not?”

“Where are you going after this?” Ela asks, wanting to avoid the question as well as she can.

“Not sure yet.” Dominic replies, “I have no family to go to. I figure I’ll just work for GSG 9 again with Elias, but I understand that feeling. Not wanting to return to a dangerous cycle like that.”

Ela nods. She’s staring up at the ceiling again, “What’s your relationship with Blitz… uh… Elias.”

Dominic smiles, “Good question. We’re best friends. We have a strong bond. Stronger than most siblings.” Ela isn’t sure if that’s a prod at her relationship with Zofia or not. “I play with his children when I see them, they’re cute and gullible. Being an uncle is nicer than I ever thought it would be.”

“Is that where he is? Back home?” Ela asks. Dominic nods in reply.

“What’s your relationship with your sister?” He asks.

“I don’t want to answer that.”

“You asked me.” Dominic points out, “It’s only fair.”

Ela sighs, reluctantly. He’s prodding much more than she wishes he would, “Zofia and I have always had a… complicated relationship. We always fought for our father’s love, but he very obviously favored her over me.”

She ends it there, not wanting to elaborate. Dominic only chuckles, “So you have daddy issues then?”

Ela scrunches up her face, “Daddy issues? Fuck that.”

“Nothing to be ashamed of,” Dominic replies, “I don’t personally have any issues with my parents but I was undercover working for Hell’s Angels for four years. That was… intense.”

Ela looks up at him, interested now, “What happened?”

Dominic avoids her eyes, “Terrifying. Any day of those four years I could have died. They could have seen one wrong thing about me and killed me. The initiation was the worst part. That…”

He trails off, unable to continue before he looks back to Ela, “It was bad. It was really bad… but it’s okay. Because I’m here now. I don’t have to go back to that.”

Ela doesn’t realize she’s been hogging the cigarette until she looks down and it’s burnt out. She’s been so invested in hearing about Dominic that she wasn’t paying attention to anything else.

“You’re nice, though,” Dominic says, “I personally believe you have much more potential than Zofia ever had. I remember when Harry was talking to me about you and how he wanted to see you do well. He never once mentioned Zofia until she asked on her own. We didn’t even consider her. I don’t know things from her side of the story, obviously, but I’d say you’ve made yourself out to be a greatly skilled operator and I can genuinely say that I’m happy to have met you, Elżbieta.”

Ela’s gone sober, staring at Dominic through busy eyes. She’s processing everything about that. “Greatly skilled operator,” “I’m happy to have met you,” “More potential than Zofia.” Those are all the things she wished she could have heard from her father, but instead they’re being said right here in a dorm by a severely traumatized coke-addict.

“Uh…” Ela trails off, unsure of what to say because honestly right now, she just wants to cry tears of relief. “Th-Thank you.” Her voice cracks with it.

Dominic only smiles at her, “What time were you planning on heading back?”

“I don’t know if I can,” Ela says truthfully, “I can barely walk and I don’t want to make you take me all the way up.”

“I’m more than happy to bring you up, don’t worry about it, Schatz.”

“Schatz?” Ela asks as Dominic helps her up, one hand on hers and the other at her waist. She feels her cheeks flush at that.

“Treasure,” He replies, “Let’s get you back to your room, huh?”

“Okay.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW FOR DUBIOUS CONSENT/RAPE!

Ela wakes up late the next morning to sharp knocking at her door and the sound of Echo’s voice pushing under the door into Ela’s ears. Sunlight’s pulling down through the windows, shining sheen over the sheets, it’s the first thing Ela sees when she parts her eyelids. 

  


“Ela, can I come in?” Echo calls through the door. Ela groans in reply, unmotivated to unlock the door, but half of her wants to know what’s going on. Why the hell would Echo want to visit Ela? Unless it’s to smoke or for sex.

  


Ela gazes at the door, knowing very well that’s probably why he’s come. She swallows back her laziness and after a long, drawn-out sigh she pulls herself out of bed and reaches for the doorknob, opening it gently, “What is it?”

  


“Can I come in?” Echo asks, nudging at the door. Ela pulls it toward herself, allowing Echo entrance to her room. Almost as soon as the door is closed, Echo’s lips are on Ela’s, pushing her back toward the bed with a swift force. Ela’s breath is hitched, taken by his own and she can’t process what’s happening until they’re both on the bed and her shirt is literally being ripped from her body.

  


“Echo,” She warns, pushing him back. Almost immediately, he’s pushing her down, though, and she begins to panic, adrenaline surging through her brain as she says again, but louder, “Echo,  stop .”

  


He’s shoved away, their strength equally matched as he stares back at her, confused. She fixes her hair, staring him intensely right in the eye, “Not right now, what’s up? Is that all you want?”

  


“Please?” Echo groans, pushing her back down, a knee between her thighs. In a deeper voice he asks, “You want this, don’t you?”

  


“I did, I’ve been feeling off, though.” Ela replies, “Not now, I’m-”

  


Echo pushes his knee in deeper, Ela gasps, squirming away from it, “Echo.”

  


“Please? I promise it’ll be quick.” Echo tries, pulling her closer. In honesty, it’s not that the intimacy feels like a bad idea, but it’s a mixture of the night before and the thought of Echo and what Dokkaebi said about him. She doesn’t want to fuck people like that, not people who get others high just so they can’t say no. It’s fucked. 

  


“Echo…” Ela whines, staring him in the eyes. He looks at her right back, eyebrows raised asking, “what?” without the words.

  


“It’ll be so quick, I promise, I just-” Echo pushes Ela back down into the bed, climbing on top of her, “Relax? We’ve done this before.”

  


Ela stares at Echo, still reluctant, but finally, after a deep sigh, she lowers her eyes and in defeat says, “Fine.”

  


Before she can say or do anything else, Echo’s got her laid forward on the bed, tugging off her pants in a fit of arousal and is rubbing his cock with his own saliva. Ela just buries her head into the pillows and tries to relax, her mind stuck on Dominic and Ying and Dokkaebi and everything from the day before. It’s not an enjoyable time, but it’s also not the worst thing in her life. She figures if she waits it out it’ll be alright.

  


As Echo promised, it’s quick and with a zip of his pants, he just leaves. He doesn’t even say goodbye, doesn’t say thanks, nothing. Ela just lies there, her head still buried face-first in the pillow on the bed. She’s feeling a lot of emotions and she isn’t sure how to work through them all. First off, she feels numb. Number than anything, she’s processing everything that just happened. Echo coming in, taking what he wanted, and leaving and not listening to a single “no” until she just gave in. 

  


Second is dirtiness, not of the sex, but of Echo. Of associating with someone that Dokkaebi specifically said was a shit person and of letting him do that to her and from that dirtiness sprouts guilt. Guilt that she didn’t just say no and force him out, guilt that she feels dirty when she, herself, agreed to it in the end. 

  


Ela must lay there for the next hour at the very least, just processing and reprocessing and feeling depressed and then anxious and then guilty. Through each of these emotions, though, at no point does the idea of telling someone come up. That’s not what she does, that’s not Ela. She doesn’t immediately get the word out because she doesn’t want people getting under her skin. She doesn’t want to be taken advantage of. She’s had a few too many people say hurtful things to her, and she’s surprised with herself that she even opened up to Dominic as much as she did.

  


She can figure it out on her own and see how she feels and maybe smoke on it. In fact, that’s the first thing she does after that initial hour. She raises her head from the pillow after she’d been staring at the wall for ten minutes straight and pulls herself to her feet, tugging up her jeans. She snags her cigarettes from the bedside table and lights one up, not even bothering to open the window. She just wants to feel something.

  


She begins crying at some point, tears salty and warm spilling from her eyes, down her cheeks and fall to the floor. She feels so numb, so painfully numb that it hurts. Guilt and hurt and depression just mix inside her, pushing at her heart and swallowing her breaths. She wipes her tears from her eyes, puffing deeply on her cigarette until it hurts. Green clouds her vision, her hair matted in her face as she just replays what happened over and over and over again, until she’s obsessive over it and nothing else can replace that feeling and she feels like her lungs are going to collapse and the cigarette is only halfway gone and her head has gone light and-

  


Bzz… Bzz...

  


Ela’s mentality disappears as soon as she hears her phone buzzing on the bedside table, “Mom” appearing in thin, white lines on the phone screen. She blinks at it, stares for a good ten seconds, before she picks it up and finally presses the green button to accept the call.

  


“Hello?” Ela asks, trying to keep the emotion vanished from her voice. She hears a long, drawn-out moment of silence before her mom comes in on the other end.

  


“Ela, Dear, is that you?”

  


Ela takes a puff of her cigarette, trying to stay as quiet as possible with it, “Yeah, it’s me. What’s going on? You alright?”

  


“Zofia told me you aren’t coming back.” Her mother says shortly, “Why is that? You were doing great in GROM, I’m sure they’ll let you back. Your father would be so proud.”

  


Ela cringes hard and immediately takes another puff, her heart sinking at the idea of her father being proud of her. The thing is he wasn’t and she knows it. She expresses it as she replies, “Mom, he doesn’t fucking care if I’m in his squadron or not because that’s the thing is I’m going to keep working myself trying to… trying to prove myself to him. It gets unhealthy after a while. I’m trying to realize that and come to terms with the fact that he’s the only reason I’m still in the military. I want time to figure myself out.”

  


She knows damn well her mom won’t take that well, so she just takes a long drag of her cigarette as she awaits the reply she’ll receive.

  


“Ela…” She sighs, groans in frustration before she finally says, “You’ve already had that time. That’s what art school was for so you could get through your little creativity phase and get past this. You are not pushing back into that, Ela. You have to have some sort of  real job.”

  


“Who said I’m going back to art? Who says I’m not just trying to stabilize myself and find a healthier alternative to all this fucking terrorist work?” Ela says, raising her voice slightly. She’s getting upset, though, and she doesn’t want to deal with this now. Not even a little bit.

  


“Stop being so stubborn. What the fuck are you going to do, then, huh? Just leave all of your responsibilities behind, Ela? Are you really going to be like this again?” Her mom asks, yelling now.

  


“I’m not leaving shit behind, Mom! I’m taking a break, that is it. I am finding my ground, I am talking to people to find a better choice for my future, how hard is that to understand? How hard is it?” 

  


That’s when her mom spits out a vial of poison and from her tongue, she crafts the harshest words Ela has heard in a very long time.

  


“Why can’t you be more like your sister?” 

  


And then the phone hangs up and silence fills the room again. Ela stares at the wall. And stares. And stares. She doesn’t even react. She feels so many emotions crawling under her skin and she simply crawls back under the covers, finishes her cigarette and decides at exactly noon that day that tomorrow is going to be a better chance for her.

  


She falls asleep gazing at the wall, the sunlight projecting onto the wall in a thick stream of light, dust and smoke stale in the air. The sounds of boots echoing outside her door, the chatter from across the hall, and the thought of Ying occupying her brain. All thoughts of Ying hating her, of opening up too far to Dominic, of the dirtiness of Echo, and her disappointment to her father and now, her mother; they all just drift away into the darkness of dreamless sleep and for the next sixteen hours, all emotion leaves her.


	5. Chapter 5

Ela’s boots hit softly against the concrete floor under her, echoing off the walls of the long, dark corridor. The lights are dimmed for the night, it’s four in the morning so there’s no surprise as to why. Her mind’s been running on repeat for the past thirty minutes, starting when she woke up. She isn’t sure how she slept so long, but she figures it’s the depression. 

Ela presses open the door to the stairs and immediately descends down four flights, her boots tapping harshly on each step. When she reaches the bottom of the facility, she then makes her way outside. With one swing of the doors, crisp air floods her senses and it feels fucking euphoric. She lets in a deep inhale, the cold filling her lungs, cleansing her of the old rooms they’ve provided.

The parking lot is large and empty, most of the operators left theirs at home as Rainbow funded any transportation, but two or three cars sit untouched at the very front. Above them, floodlights tower over her, shining a blinding light over the cars and the parking lot. Ela gazes up at the horizon, it’s still dark out and probably will be for another several hours. Autumn always stretches the dark out long until the late hours of the morning, it’s something Ela’s always loved.

She takes a seat at a bench beside the entrance of the facility, pulling her pack of cigarettes from her pocket, but to her dismay, there’s only one left. She curses a soft, “Fuck,” but she still presses it into her lips, bringing her moss green lighter to the end of the cigarette. She inhales, sparking it and burning bright embers into the chemicals and tobacco packed in the wrapping, and immediately, a minty burn settles in her throat. 

Her mind settles on her mother and her father first, mostly her father and all the shit she had to put up with growing up. The conversations that she would eavesdrop on. Her father in his study with his friends and coworkers bragging about Zofia’s amazing skill and how “ _ I’m sure she’ll turn into an excellent predecessor for the family, _ ”

_ “What about Ela? Is there any potential there? She seems sort of… distant. Maybe it’s just me, I haven’t talked to her.” _

_ Her father chuckles through his drink, “Ela… oh, well Ela is quite a different story. She got kicked out of that military school that I worked so hard to get her into. I spent so much of my money to get her there and she simply throws it away. I know the bullying is hard, but how hard is it really to not blow up on a kid? So, we’re trying out a different school. If she’ll show up.” _

_ “Why hasn’t she been showing up?” _

_ “Depression, anxiety, I guess. She just keeps complaining about how anxious she gets going to another military school, but she needs to toughen out about it. We get it, you’re anxious, but please, just go. Deal with it. The world’s tough, you know?” _

_ “I get it, Jan, trust me I fucking get it.” The friend laughs, harsh and dark, “Well at least one kid turned out right.” _

_ “At least we have Zofia.” _

Ela’s staring intensely at the ground, her head blank, her worth diminished. She remembers that conversation way too well. She was only 18. She knew that she’d been the unfavored one, but it  _ hurt _ to hear all of that from her father. It hurt to know she meant that little to him. To feel that disgusting, that worthless. She just wants to stop thinking.

Ela puffs again, filling her lungs yet again. The smoke escapes through her nose and out into the cool air as her head circles between Echo, her mom, and Dominic. She misses Dominic. A lot. She feels safe with him, she feels like the world just melts away and that she can tell him anything. She wants to feel safe somewhere with someone. She’s so fucking lonely, but her trust issues tell her that nobody is worth trusting. Not even Dominic.

Ela’s head turns sharply when she hears the door open and, to her surprise, it’s Ying who walks out. Ela blinks away the tears prickling out as her eyes meet Ying’s. Ying smiles, welcoming, before she makes her way over, waving.

“Hey,” Ela says, scooting herself over to allow Ying a seat, “Good to see you.”

“You, too,” Ying smiles warmly, “What are you doing up at… four in the morning?”

Ela laughs weakly, “I’ve… got a lot on my mind. I couldn’t sleep.”

“I understand,” Ying replies, eyeing Ela’s cigarette.

“Do you want it?” Ela suggests, pressing it out toward Ying. Ying immediately shakes her head, though, raising her hand.

“No, I don’t smoke, sorry.” 

“No problem.” Ela didn’t know that. “What are  _ you _ doing up at four in the morning?”

“I’ve got stuff on my mind, too,” Ying admits, “I’m sorry things were so awkward last time we talked, I wasn’t expecting you to say hi and I didn’t know what to say. I know it’s been a long while since we last talked.”

Ying looks Ela dead in the eye, sincerity apparent in her voice and her emotions. Ela blushes slightly at the dead honesty, “It’s all okay, I promise. I get it.”

“Do you know what you’re doing now? That everything’s over and done with? Are you going back to GROM?”

“Fuck no,” Ela laughs, the idea of it just seems ridiculous at this point, “I have no clue. I want to go on another break from the military because it’s just gotten unhealthy at this point and I’m not sure if I can keep going with it. It all just reminds me of my dad.”

Ying nods, lowering her eyes, “I get it. I’m leaving SDU as soon as I can, I’ve already filed my request to leave.”

“Really?” Ela’s surprised, Ying’s been working for SDU for years now, “How come?”

“I’m thinking about taking time to just… explore the world. I’ve always loved adventure and I’ve always been fascinated by how different parts of the world are like and all the things that I may never know about that’s just normal for half the population.” Ying seems passionate about it, Ela loves that passion she shows and the way her face lights up. She’s charmed, just listening to it makes her want to follow.

“That’s cool,” Ela says, dreamily, her mind wandering to the idea of that.

“Yeah,” Ying smiles, “Do you have any clue where you’re going?”

“Nope,” Ela sighs, “It’s stressing me out, I want to do something other than the military. That’s all I know, but I have hardly any skills outside of the military besides art.”

“Have you considered being a graphic designer or something along those lines?” Ying suggests as Ela puts out her cigarette and presses it back into her empty cigarette pack.

“Not yet, but it’s not the worst idea,” Ela replies, thinking about it thoroughly, “Thank you for the suggestion. It… means a lot.”

“Always,” Ying says, a smile tugging at her lips. She lowers her eyes to her hands.

“Listen,” Ela pauses, unsure of how to phrase the question in a way that isn’t confrontational, “I… wanted to ask why we stopped talking. I thought we were friends for a while, and maybe it was me, but I just… Wanted to know. For closure.”

Ying’s fingers go to her lips, biting anxiously at the nail. She has to think about it for a bit, summon the words from deep in her heart before she finally says to Ela, “I think I was scared. You kept making all these jokes, stuff that I’m not super used to. You kept… flirting with me in a way? And it wasn’t a bad thing, I’d assumed it was just jokes, but it made me somewhat uncomfortable because I’d never really considered a girl to be like that to me.”

Ela immediately blushes, guilt filling her, “I’m sorry, I should have asked to make sure that sort of stuff was okay, I know it-”

“Relax, it’s alright, I’m not upset at all.” Ying waves her hand in a sign of dismissal, “If anything, I’m sort of grateful for it.”

“What for?”

“I realized that maybe I’m not…” She trails off for a moment before she finally picks up again, “I’m not only attracted to men. It just… made me think about it much harder and where I see my sexuality and I realized that men aren’t the only option. I grew up in a place where it’s not considered normal to be bisexual or transgender or gay or anything like that. I just assumed that I was straight because that’s the only option my parents gave me.”

Ying licks her lips and looks back up at Ela, slightly anxious for her reaction. Ela just smiles, “That’s great, Ying! I’m proud of you for figuring that out.”

“Thanks,” Ying can’t help but smile softly, “Thank you for unintentionally helping me figure it out.”

Ela lets out a breath of air from her nose, “Anytime.”

They sit there in silence for a long while after that, Ela’s feeling a bit better about everything even though nothing’s been fixed. Her anxiety has gone down. They just rest there, side by side, staring at the horizon and the trees that scatter the parking lot and the squirrels sprinting across telephone wires. Everything feels okay and peaceful at that moment. 

Eventually, around six or seven, Ying rises from her seat and bids Ela a soft farewell before entering the doors to the facility, leaving Ela alone again.


	6. Chapter 6

“Ela, here,” Dominic says, offering the joint up to smoke. Ela takes it gingerly, her hands coming from his bed to the paper, bringing it to her chapped lips. She takes a long, drawn-out drag and holds it for a moment before releasing it out the window. She ashes it into the tray beside her, then passes it on to Castle. She leans back in the bed, bouncing her leg.

“So after I get the money for a flight home, I’m gonna be cuddling up right next to my dogs for at least the new week,” Castle continues, “I miss those little fuckers.”

“I’ve always wanted a dog,” Dominic replies, “But, we never had one growing up. It was just me and my brother. And the aquarium in our living room.”

“You know what I’ve always wanted? That I never ever got?” Castle prompts.

“What?” 

“A bird. Just a little guy to hold on my finger and kiss all over. I like how some of them sing, I wanna teach them how to sing Star Spangled Banner or something like that, you know? Something all patriotic. That would be the cutest little thing,” Castle chuckles thinking about it.

“I’ve always wanted a cat.” Ela butts in gently, “I’ve never had one before but there used to be a few that hung around the high school I went to for a couple of months. They were so sweet.”

“Cats are alright,” Castle says, “Not my thing, but I can see you liking cats.”

Ela smiles as the blunt passes from Castle back to Dominic who takes a large puff and then passes it back to Ela, “Excuse me,  Elżbieta, Miles.”

He rises to his feet and heads to the bathroom, locking the door and turning on the fan as he always does. Castle pays it no mind as he watches Ela reach the roach.

“How are you doing, Ela? It’s been a while.” He takes the joint. “You heading back to GROM?”

“Fuck that,” Ela says, “I’m planning on going into graphic design or something along those lines. The military just isn’t an opportunity for me anymore.”

Castle nods, “I get it, I get it. Why graphic design? For the art?”

“Yeah, I was in art school for a little while, figured that I could use something from it. I don’t have any other skills besides military work and art so… it’s something.” Ela watches as the door to the bathroom opens, the toilet flushing again. Dominic with his wide pupils again. Castle doesn’t notice.

“Alright, alright. Any clue where you’re going to work?” Castle asks, leaning back against the desk.

Ela just shakes her head, lowering her eyes.

“You’ll figure it out,” Dominic cuts in, “Elżbieta, you’ve got lots of potential, I know someone’s gotta be out there looking for someone just like you.”

Ela smiles slightly, a wildfire warming her cheeks, blood gushing to the surface as she becomes flustered. She croaks out a soft but genuine, “Thank you.”

Castle’s eyes move to the clock on the wall, slightly awkwardly, before he says to them, “Listen, I’m heading out soon so I gotta start getting packed up, but I might swing by tomorrow if you’re down. Gonna need something to help me out with my damn back.”

“I’ve got you, Miles,” Dominic nods, “Stay safe.”

“‘Course. You, too, Dom.” He leaves through the door and finally, Dominic turns to Ela. 

“Graphic design, huh?” He asks, “Where’d you decide that?”

Ela leans back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, “Had a nice talk with Ying this morning and she suggested it. She’s going off on her own to see the world after she leaves SDU.”

“Interesting choice, sounds fun,” Dominic comments.

Ela nods, staring up at the ceiling as the room clouds in smoke and gin for the rest of the night.

  
  


Ela spends the next few days between Dominic’s room and her own through a weed-filled daze, trying to numb any and all pain that seeps past the back of her mind. She hasn’t had any run-ins with Echo but saw Dokkaebi once or twice while wandering the halls. 

Despite how nice it’s been to channel all of her feelings into drugs, she’s been getting worried for her health as she wakes up at 3 am with coughing fits to the point that she struggles for breath. She can hardly run half the length she used to. It’s just another thing added on top of the pile that’s been bothering her, but through the daze, she’s managed to pull together a few colleges for graphic design. On top of the college work she had for art, she’s sure she’ll be able to find a job.

She isn’t sure where she’ll be while she works on college, she can’t stay in the housing facility as they were given a month maximum on their stay, but despite that, everything feels like maybe it’ll start to get better. It’s day seven at the housing facility the next time she sees Ying wandering the halls. It’s seven in the morning, but Ela’s not surprised. She knows Ying’s a morning person and always has been, Ela’s just an insomniac. They’re opposites.

It starts with Ela leaving Dominic’s room with her head spinning and her mouth parched dry, full of sand. Ying’s coming down the hall as soon as the door shuts and their eyes meet over the dimmed yellows lights, flickering black every once in a while. 

“Hey,” Ela says, holding her head in one hand and waving to Ying with the other. Ying’s eyebrows knot in concern as she replies with a soft, “Hi.”

“Where are you coming from?” Ela asks, gazing down the hall, trying to figure out if she knows anyone who lives down there.

“Dokkaebi’s but… we got in a fight.” Ying admits, she seems tired, Ela feels her concern for the operator.

“You wanna talk about it?” Ela suggests, “I’m just going back to my room, I’ve got room. It’s not a burden, I promise.”

Ying takes a moment, seeming conflicted, “I don’t want to be a burden-”

“You’re not, I mean it. Let’s go.” Ela smiles gently, gesturing toward the elevators toward the end of the hall, “I think I have a coffee machine somewhere in there.”

Ying chuckles for a couple of seconds before she finally caves, “Alright, but I’ll only stay for an hour max.”

“If that’s what makes you happy,” Ela replies, skepticism thick in her tone, “I don’t have any plans today.”

“Who does?” Replies Ying with a slight chuckle as they approach the elevators. 

“So what’s up?” 

“With what?” Ying presses the button for the elevator and watches the doors close as they begin to ascend toward Ela’s floor.

“With Dokkaebi, what happened? Why are you guys fighting? She seems nice enough.”

“Oh,” Ying looks away from Ela, “She won’t stop hanging out with Echo even though he’s a total jackass who has done some messed up stuff to me in the past. She  _ knows  _ he’s like that and she still won’t just leave him. I don’t get it. We used to be really good friends but no matter what, she won’t just realize how shit of a person he is.”

Ela’s eyebrows raise at the mention of Echo, she’s been pushing him out of her mind since the day he came over. She’s felt so shit about it that she just decided the best thing to do is just smoke it away. She knows damn well she isn’t ready to talk about it yet, though. No matter if Ying’s had it happen to her before.

“What did he do?” Ela asks, slightly anxious if it’s too personal of a question. The face Ying makes at the floor is one of forceful confidentiality. She doesn’t want to share, she doesn’t want to spill her guts out. Ela isn’t sure if it’s because Ying’s talking to her or if the time just isn’t right, but either way, she replies.

“It… It’s not too bad, just some old relationship stuff that we ran into problems with. He wronged me in a way that I don’t feel like I can forgive him for and Dokkaebi thinks it’s stupid that I don’t want her to be friends with him because of it.” Ying steps out of the elevator, Ela following soon after.

“I’m sorry about that, I feel like you’re in the right. You don’t hang out with people who have wronged your friends. You have to pick a side, there is no centrism when it comes to the shitty things people do.” Ela licks her lips, wondering if this is good advice to be giving or if it’s just her morals shining through her words. They reach her door and Ela immediately starts searching for her keycard.

“I appreciate that,” Ying smiles slightly, but it fades when Ela’s hands start retracing steps, “You lose your keycard?”

“I think I left it inside,” Ela replies, “Inside my room…”

Ying’s eyebrows raise, concern immediately taking over, “Can you get a new one?”

“I wish I knew.” Ela sighs, trying to open the door but to no avail, “If you want to go back to your room you can, I’m sorry.”

“I’ll come with you,” Ying replies with a shrug, “If you can’t get a new one, I can offer up my bed until you need to leave.”

“I would never be a burden for that long,” Ela says as they return to the elevators and set the button for the first floor.

“You wouldn’t be a burden. If I’m not a burden, then you aren’t either.” Ying smiles warmly, “Besides, it would be nice to not have to sleep alone every night, and it’s right by your room so it would be hard to lose.”

“Fair,” Ela shrugs, “I’m sure they have a spare card, though, this has to happen all the time.”

“I’ve almost left mine a few times, I’m sure they do.” Ying reasons.

Ela nods as they leave the elevator and make their way down the hall to the receptionist’s desk. Lion passes by them, eyes lowered and Castle is seen walking into his room on the walk. The moment Ela crosses through the doors, though, her heart drops and her eyes glaze over to Zofia standing by the desk talking with the receptionist.

Ying and Ela exchange a glance before Ying says to Ela, “Is she staying here, too?”

“No.” Ela replies as her eyes meet Zofia’s, “She’s supposed to be home.”

“Ela, Ying,” Zofia nods in acknowledgment before her eyes move back to Ela, “We need to talk.”

“No, we don’t. I’ve made up my mind.” Ela looks to the receptionist, trying her best to just ignore her sister, “Do you have copies of keys?”

The receptionist nods, “How many do you need?”

“Just one,” Ela replies. She turns back to Zofia when the receptionist, Diane, leaves through the staff-only area.

“You need to come home, do you realize how hard you worked to get into GROM? You haven’t even asked them for permission, you’re going to end up going AWOL.” Zofia tries.

“I’ll send in my formal request later today, I was typing it up yesterday, I know what I’m doing, Zof.” Ela says in a monotone voice, completely void of emotion, empathy, or sympathy, “And I’m not returning home. Especially not after what Mom said to me.”

“What did she say?” Zofia asks, “I promise I’ll talk to her.”

“There is no more talking to her, especially not now. I don’t want to repeat it, I don’t want you to talk to her, I just. I don’t want to get dragged back into this. I don’t want to return home. I don’t want to interact with you or Mom and I certainly don’t want to be pulled back down into trying too hard for a man who didn’t even give me a second thought.” Ela states, retrieving the spare keycard from Diane. Ying looks incredibly uncomfortable with the exchange and is starting to back away.

“You know damn well Dad gave a shit about you. Don’t play that card with me, Ela. He loved you, he cared for you, he gave you everything. You’re lucky he didn’t push you to the breaking point every single day. You’re lucky he didn’t break your fucking will.” Zofia argues, starting to raise her tone of voice.

“Yes, he fucking did. You had it so great, Zofia. You did. He gave you everything. You just think you’re so hurt because you thought it was bad. Imagine me, Zofia. Imagine me being the unfavorited, runt sister.” 

“You know you’re not that,” Zofia reasons.

“Oh, do I?” Ela cries out, “Do I now? Do I know that I’m not the unfavorited sister? Do I know that you didn’t outdo me every single fucking time I tried to make something of myself!?”

“Miss, please calm down,” The receptionist butts in, “Or I’ll have to call in security.”

Ela takes a deep breath, sighing before she turns away from Zofia and heading to the stairs. She is not going back to the elevator, she doesn’t want to wait around for Zofia to just start shit up with her again. 

Ying follows Ela closely, sheepish and quiet, unsure of what to do or if she should intervene at all. Ela’s glad she at least hasn’t left, she knows she needs to explain something and if Zofia shows up at her door, Ying can easily just send her away for her.

“Ela, come back!” Zofia barks down the hall, but Ela’s opening the door for the stairs to quickly and jogging up the steps to avoid her. There’s silence as she and Ying climb the stairs, just the tapping of their shoes on concrete up six flights of stairs and then the door opening at the top. Ela’s stamina has vanished as she pants for breath at the top of the stairs, but tries to keep it quiet for self-respect.

“So…” Ying trails off awkwardly as they approach Ela’s room. She seems uncomfortable and like she doesn’t want to be around to see Ela’s reaction, but Ela figures if she wants to leave, she can fucking leave. 

As Ela enters her room and sets her keycard next to the original, she takes a few deep breaths and finally says to Ying after a long pause, “I’m sorry. She and Mom have been on my ass trying to get me to go back to GROM but I already told them, it’s been too much for me. I work myself too hard because I just want to prove myself to my dad, but the thing is, he’s dead. There isn’t shit for me to do that will ever earn his love or make me the favorite sister or anything. I already fucked that up.”

Ela avoids Ying’s eyes as the door shuts with a click behind her. She takes a breath, her pupils scattering over the room to land on the window that she then opens, letting the cool Autumn air into her room.

“Why is she here? Now? Physically?” Ying asks.

“I don’t know. Mom probably sent her to try to ‘reconnect with her daughter.’ She did it the last time I left them. She’ll do it again. Over and over until she feels satisfied with the lesson I’ve learned that you don’t leave the family. Even if said family screws you over.” Ela sighs, sinking into the bed.

“I’m sorry things are like that,” Ying says gently, taking a seat beside Ela, “I hope things get better for you, you don’t deserve to be given that position in a family that says you can’t leave.”

Ela smiles slightly, her eyes shifting from the ceiling to Ying, “Thank you for that. Genuinely.”

Ying nods, smiling warmly back, “Do you want to vent to me? Because my ears are always open.”

“I’m… okay.” Ela sighs, “Honestly if you want to go back to your place, I wouldn’t blame you. I’m probably gonna take a nap or head back to Dominic’s soon. I just… I hate dealing with this.”

“Talk to me,” Ying says gently, like a mother to a child. Ela hates it, she hates telling people her shit, she hates feeling like a burden like that. She hates that Ying’s doing that to her and she knows it’s a double standard, she let Dominic off with that shit the very first time they met. She hates that she  _ knows  _ it’s wrong of her to be like that, but she just can’t stand it now. She can’t stand doing this to someone like Ying.

Ela’s caught up in the overflowing emotions, pouring out of her heart and resonating through her body. She takes a solid minute to answer Ying’s request, to even consider saying anything to her. 

“It’s okay. I’ll be okay. Please leave.” Ela turns over, avoiding Ying’s eyes, unsure of what to say to her. She just wants to hear Dominic murmur “Elżbieta” in her ear again, looking for the sharp chill that always runs down her spine. She isn’t sure what their relationship is, but she knows damn well it runs deeper than just “friends.”

“Uh… okay.” Ying says, a mix of confusion, concern, and maybe a slight bit of irritation in her voice. The door shuts no more than ten seconds later with a harsh click and Ela’s left alone again with the voices in her head whispering that she deserves death over and over again. On repeat until she drifts into sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and kudos it means a ton :)


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